these days.

i am mostly

alone,

and lonely.

that space where my heart was

is empty + sewn up,

preventing further

injuries.

dear blog,

i'm sorry i haven't written in a dog's age.  (i can't actually remember the last time i felt compelled to do so on here!  sorry, but i have to speak the truth.)

i promise to not neglect you so much this year.  2014 looks like a good year so far - i had a great time on new year's eve (which never happens, as i'm sure you know), and i got to see my baby nephew + my brother + his wife, and i have a roof over my head + a very modest amount of money in the bank.  (and chocolate.  ye gods do i have chocolate!)

i realized, having spent so much time away from writing + photographing + posting, that i've become much less worried about how i'm perceived, both in person, and online.  i'm beginning to find that sense of self that everyone i see around me has in spades, and although it's fragile, i'm going to nurture it, and give it time to grow.

that said, it's been too damn long since i've sent any beauty your way, and i have actually managed to take some polaroids in the past few months, so really, i simply need to conquer my insecurity + just get out there and SHOOT.

yours (always),

lindsay

-------------------

"everybody else is doing it, so why can't we?"  (aka my new year's resolutions for 2014 and forward)

- take a ceramics course
- start weaving
- learn to make neon signs
- continue the crafting i've started (macrame plant hangers, my crocheted slouchy hat, etc.)
- work on that photo project (the one i've been planning forever but never researching/executing)
- continue teaching myself latin
- apply for grad school (master's)
- get a job that fully uses my skills
- pay off a large amount of my debt
- move into my own space
- build my own theremin + learn to use it
- shoot more polaroid film
- write more poetry
- visit the library more often
- read a book a week

--------------------

and there you have it.  i'm back.

winter in my head, winter in my heart.

lately i've been finding myself

embracing the chill in the air

more than i normally would this time of year

(it's been a cool last few weeks here).

this is a very strange thing for me -

i used to live for the fuzzy summer nights,

where you could wear the same thing

as you wore in the daytime,

and not feel cold at all.

now, though, all i can think about

is crisp days, brisk winds, and overcast skies.

i dream of winter:

of fresh snow falling endlessly,

the utter silence of the nights,

the quiet crunching of cars

making their way through the drifts

on the way home.

i can't wait for it to be cold,

and i'm not really sure why.

so instead of trying to understand,

i'm leaving my window open,

letting the cold air filter into my bedroom,

and dreaming of winter storms.

identity.

"It's easier to take on a cover identity, and if that cover identity is rejected then you – who you truly are – remains intact. Maybe on some level it's all connected to the idea that, if you go in honestly and you're seen as who you are, that might not be enough."

- brit marling

i'm really grappling with this idea right now.

(also, how amazing is brit marling?!)

marina.

i swear

there are more polaroids coming...

but first,

more music.

this song really hit me hard.

it's hard to face

what's really going on inside,

most of the time.

but the truth is that

there are always more kind and wonderful people out there

than hurtful, hating ones.

sviib

maybe all i'm going to post anymore

are music videos...

anyway,

school of seven bells (sviib)

is kicking some serious

aural butt these days.

stuff like this heals me,

in some strange, sad way.

lush.

i've been listening to a lot of

my older music, lately.

this is a song i thought i'd share.

one of these days,

i'll feel up to taking + posting some polaroids,

but for right now

i'm at a complete visual standstill.

...i need to get out more.